I talk to myself.
Yes, it’s true.
And dare I admit, I answer myself back sometimes too.
Now don’t get funny on me.
I bet you do it too. (You can raise your hand or simply nod if you do.)
Sometimes you gotta give yourself a pep talk. Am I right? As the song says, “Encourage yourself.”
Let me say it a little more nicely. Instead of talking to myself, let’s call it having a conversation in my head or out loud with Jesus.
My grandmother used to say this any time I heard her in the kitchen or bathroom talking out loud and clearly fussing about something my grandfather did to make her upset.
When I would ask her who she was talking to, she would say, “I am talking to the Lord.”
But seriously, I have to have these pep talks with myself from time to time to help me stay focused, gain perspective or keep moving forward. The Lord just happens to be listening. (insert wink)
Sometimes it goes like this:
How long will you continue to let yourself down, Charlene? (when I have allowed fear to grip and paralyze me)
How many times are you going to continue breaking commitments to yourself, Charlene? (when I say I am going to go to the gym this week at least 3 times and I don’t)
You just gotta do it-one day at a time.
A few weeks ago, I had to have a serious pep talk AKA truth moment with myself. It was truly a defining point as I had now reached a crossroads of changing to be a better me or staying the same and using my circumstances as an excuse to stay there.
I have been dealing with a pretty sensitive area of my life regarding family for more than half of my almost 35 years of living. I didn’t realize how deep the wounds were until some of them were reopened. I knew that I had grown in my ability to navigate all that came with this particular area. My prayers had changed about it, i.e. they were less about me and what I wanted and more about His will, even if I had to suffer or be uncomfortable. Yet, in true God fashion, He decided to uncover another layer recently that needed to be healed.
Although I was and am still deeply affected by the situation, the core of it had absolutely nothing to do with me. Needless to say, I literally had to disconnect from social media, chatting, texting, etc so that I could really hear God clearly. Like I had to really Shut…It….Down.
The enemy knew this was a way that he could get to me because he had been successful many times in the past. However, I was determined that he was not going to get the best of me this time. I would not give him the satisfaction of seeing me shut down completely and wallow in a depression as I had in years past. Nope, not this time satan.
So I did what I do best. I worshipped, cried and read my Word extensively and then cried some more. I prayed and prayed and prayed some more. I refused to allow satan to try to change my perspective of who I knew God was and is in my life. It is a tactic he has been using since the beginning of time, starting with Eve in the garden.
All throughout the week, I had several pep talks. This time I really was also talking to the Lord. As I was asking these questions of myself, He was asking them of me.
Charlene, are you going to change?
What if the people involved don’t change or the situation doesn’t change?
Will you change? If you have to go through this, yet again, what will be different in you this time? Are you just going to waste this opportunity or will you change?
You have to change, even if they don’t.
I thought long and hard about these questions. Truth be told, the situation had not changed. If anything, it had gotten much worse over the years. It was, as my mentor described certain relationships in one of her blog posts a while back-literally on “life support” and hanging on for dear life.
Right after that week, the Lord sent me a reminder through a dear friend. She mentioned to me how cool she thought it was when I shared with her last year that as I read back through my journals over a span of more than 12 years, there were so many APs (answered prayers) there. Even if I tried, there was no way I could deny God’s goodness.
In the midst of those questions that I pondered and the timely reminder He sent, I am grateful that God truly is a comforter. He ministered to my heart, my mind, my soul and my spirit. Check back tomorrow where I share what He revealed to me.
In the meantime, talk to me:
Do you have a situation or relationship that is on life support?
Has it been something that has been on your prayer list for months, years, maybe even decades?
What do you think God is trying to reveal to you or grow in you?
How do you handle it?
What kind of pep talks or reminders has He sent your way?