For all that is secret will eventually be brought into the open, and everything that is concealed will be brought to light and made known to all. ~Luke 8:17
No one had ever checked up on me as much as he did. He always informed me where he was or what he was doing and he seemed genuinely concerned about my well-being. (Ladies, FYI, this is a HUGE red flag!)
Yet somewhere deep down inside, I was unsure of something and I couldn’t put my finger on it until a couple months later.
Third Warning Sign
I willingly let him in, into my life, my family and my bed, even though I told him I was practicing abstinence. He was even shacking up (is that a word people use anymore?) with me when he was in town from Tampa, as he made the transition to move to Atlanta after being “fired” from his job.
I helped with his transition, driving back and forth to Tampa twice to help him move. He came to a good college friend of mine’s wedding as my date. He even spent Thanksgiving dinner with my family and met my mom in just a few short months. This was another huge warning sign that I ignored. When I asked my mother what she thought of him, she didn’t have much to say-and she always has an opinion. That said a lot because she never even commented on whether she liked him or not.
I don’t quite remember now, when, exactly, I began to grow suspicious and increasingly unsettled. I, do however, remember a distinct conversation I had with my therapist where I told her I felt like I was going crazy. I was explaining to her all that had been going on with my relationship and the fact that my interactions with him made me question myself and if I was imagining things. This is often what happens when someone becomes so good at lying. They can often place doubt in your mind or make you think you are overreacting or being ridiculous. It was all mind games and a play on my emotions.
A Turning Point
What was a poor choice in the beginning-adding a line for him on my cell phone plan- ended up being a blessing in disguise for me and working out in my favor. When I received my second bill, it was extremely high. I spoke to him about it and he said he would get the money to me but that it would be a while since he was in between jobs. He was in my house most days while I was at work, completely accessible to all of my stuff, “searching” for jobs and updating his resume on my computer, yet still no job.
I had never been the snooping type of girlfriend. I never felt the need to question things in any of my previous relationships. For me, this was strange and new that I even had the urge to do so all of a sudden. One day, I began searching through phone records and saw all these numbers from different states at various times of the day and night for long hours. I called several of them and they were all females. I never spoke to any of them directly, but I confronted him about it and he had a story for each one! He would flat out lie about any and everything, whether he was asked a question or not, just lying to be lying. There were so many lies at one point, I wondered how he kept up.
One day he disappeared and wasn’t answering my calls for almost two days so I grew worried. He finally showed up at my door early in the morning 2 days later telling me a story about his grandfather who raised him (because his mother had passed away when he was young). Apparently, the grandfather had been hospitalized because he had cancer and no other relatives were within driving distance. Trevor stated he was there with him in South GA for the last two days because they didn’t think his grandfather had much longer to live. We got into a huge fight because something just didn’t make sense to me. He threatened to leave and take all of his stuff, calling my bluff. By that point, I was so frustrated and angry and couldn’t deal with the lying anymore. I told him it was best for him not to stay with me anymore. When I shared the story with my best friend, she grew concerned and told me she didn’t believe him. She later confessed to me she had one of our mutual friends do a background check on him because she was scared for me, but he didn’t find anything on Trevor.
The Beginning of the End
Although he had not taken money from me, what he had taken was far worse. Little by little, he had begun ripping through my heart, taken my dignity, my self-worth, parts of my soul and what little trust I had left in people. I remember sitting on my aunt’s couch one day in early December 2007 after calling out sick from work, something I was doing frequently at that time. I needed to be away from him, to clear my mind and decide what I was going to do so I didn’t tell him where I was. I was facing a possible pregnancy. I was stressed out, suspicious all the time, confused, even more broken than before and almost numb. I asked my aunt how did she know when it was time to let go. She told me that every woman has a breaking point and that I would know when I had reached mine. At that moment, I realized that I was so afraid to let go or tell him how I really felt about everything we had been through in just 4 short months. I had convinced myself, somehow, that I was losing something. Yet, I really had nothing else left to lose. I remember leaving my aunt’s house that evening, hoping and praying that I wasn’t pregnant so that I could be done with him once and for all.
Thankfully, God granted my request. When I shared the news with Trevor, I also told him I needed some time away from him. I had planned to take some time off from work to spend my birthday with my best friend in Maryland and told him we could talk when I got back. All throughout this time in dealing with him, I was praying and asking the Lord to remove him from my life or to give me the courage to let him go. I finally gathered up the courage to end things with him, but not without a fight. He would show up at my house unexpectedly wanting to talk, calling me all day long and blowing up my phone with back to back text messages.
He eventually realized that I was no longer falling for any more of his sob stories about his grandfather, which he knew used to soften my heart before. I knew I was officially done with him one day in early January 2008. I had a job interview earlier that afternoon in downtown Atlanta. After the interview my car wouldn’t start. I called him and he immediately came and helped me jumpstart my car. He followed me back to my house and I asked him if he had eaten. I ordered us a pizza and after we finished eating, I was hoping he would leave. He tried to kiss me, but I turned my face away and told him that our relationship was over and I was done. It took everything in me to stand my ground, especially because he didn’t take me seriously at first when I asked him to leave. At that point, I had no energy left to argue or fight with him. I was emotionally spent, not to mention mentally and physically exhausted. As he walked out the door, as difficult as it was, I knew I couldn’t live like this anymore. Just as easily as I let him walk into my life, I let him walk out the door and out of my life for good.
The next several months would prove to be some of the most difficult months for me. He continued to contact me up until late February, telling me all kind of lies, which I refused to believe. I told him via text message I was cutting off his phone at the end of the month. He had begged me to keep it on since it was his only way of communicating with his grandfather.
Even after the relationship ended, my stress did not. I was literally tormented by the enemy at night. I couldn’t sleep and lay awake many nights for months. I could hear the enemy literally laughing at me and taunting me. His voice became louder as God’s voice became a distant, faint whisper.
The relationship pushed me back further into my depression. The mere thought or mention of him or anything remotely related to him would literally bring up a physically sick feeling in my stomach. It felt like my stomach would be turning in knots. I finally turned the corner as I desperately sought the Lord, trying to reach for Him in the midst of that dark pit. A spiritual mentoring makeover program became available at my church and I applied. I gave God an ultimatum, telling Him this was it for me and I was giving Him one more chance to turn my life around.
Thankfully, I got accepted into the program. I breathed a sigh of relief as a little bit of hope began to fill my heart once again.
Tomorrow, I will conclude this story as I share the aftermath of this relationship as well as the hope after devastation and how God used this disaster to work for my good and His glory!
Photo credit: Word Swag by CJP
Scripture taken from Biblegateway.com
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